I’m over the Obamas. Eight long years of tedious Oscar acceptance speech rhetoric has amounted to a fat load of hot air.
Hence I’m looking forward to the advent of Melania and Donald – however long it may last.
That’s not to say I support the vulgarian germaphobe and his misogynistic, megalomaniacal ways, but he doesn’t induce bile when his name passes my lips.
I may eat my words, but I’m willing to give Trump a chance. After all, there is talk of auditing the Federal Reserve and making America great again – remember?
I’m also excited about seeing Melania in the White House – or whatever ivory Trump tower she shall reign from, despite the fact that my neo-feminist sisters have found it OK to be critical of her because she’s conservative. According to the progressive leftie bullies, she is a dumb immigrant trophy wife with a stupid accent who needs to be deported. This is what I love about the leftie movement that Michelle champions so vigorously – its preaching of tolerance while engaging in bigotry and bullying.
Michelle gets the popular vote, after all she is a gifted pontificator and supports feminism and Black Lives Matter, regardless of how ridiculous the movements have become in recent times. In just a few days, however, an erstwhile nude model will be thrust into the limelight and Michelle will be old news.
Until now, Melania has kept a low profile, maybe because of her husband’s sexist and racist babblings, but to think she’s a wallflower is to underestimate her.
She told CNN recently she doesn’t try to change her partner of almost 20 years and he doesn’t try to change her. “I’m my own person, I tell him what I think,” she insisted.
I can’t see her doing carpool karaoke or throwing open the doors of the White House like Michelle did, possibly because she won’t live there, but also because she’s not as big a hypocrite as Michelle. She knows she’s not street, despite growing up in a tower block under Tito’s rule in former Yugoslavia.
I like that Melania, who speaks five languages, doesn’t feel she needs the smug, self-congratulatory support of celebrities who hijacked this election to little success. “I am strong, Donald is strong,” she insists. Also, let’s face it, people are full of shit and soon you’ll see her and Donald with celebs hanging off them like they did before he ran for office.
Michelle sold the Obama family as the wholesome neighbours, who let your children play in their pool because you couldn’t afford one, while her husband’s administration greatly expanded America’s drone programme.
As she delivered heartfelt, teary-eyed eloquent orations about hope, embracing diversity and achieving greatness through education, her life partner’s extra-judicial drone strikes killed hundreds, if not thousands of innocent people. Last year the US dropped 26,171 bombs in mostly Muslim countries while Michelle was advocating tolerance and integration back home. Then there’s the alleged $1trillion investment in modernising nuclear warheads in the coming decades – yes the ones Obama won a Nobel prize for. That’s a lot of milk and cookies for Michelle’s girl scout slumber parties.
When Michelle said she would make the transition for Melania into the White House as smooth as possible, she was lying. She and her husband have done anything but. Under the banner of #imwithher, she ferociously tried to protect her husband’s legacy, by becoming an inspirational surrogate for Hillary Clinton’s campaign, giving one impassioned speech after another.
No doubt, her teary-eyed support was driven by her and her husband’s desire to not be completely humiliated by being succeeded by someone who they find deeply unpalatable. It’s a poor reflection on them and how little they know their voters needs. It’s like the angel being replaced by the devil – not good for PR.
Reacting to Trump’s salacious locker room “grab ’em by the pussy” comment last year, the First Lady said she was shaken to the core insisting she was ‘frightened and hurt’.
Hurt? Hardly hurt. Hurt is what I would be if my husband killed innocents, not some old Wall Street codger banging on about women’s sexual organs. Have you met powerful men?
But you have to like Michelle. She likes a laugh – especially at her husband’s expense. His sticky out ears, slow delivery and bad jokes are a source of comedy to her. But he is not allowed to reciprocate. That’s modern feminism for you. Imagine Obama sitting in an interview with her pulling her ears – laughing away going “aren’t they big”.
We all know he wouldn’t do that. Instead he confesses his unrelenting, often times nauseating love for her at any given opportunity.
To give them their dues, the Obamas have shown us what relationships should look like, even if some of it was for show. Most of us mere mortals can only dream of such affection and dedication.
So on a loving note, farewell First Lady from the Southside of Chicago and welcome Melania from somewhere in Europe. It’s going to be an interesting couple of years – or months, weeks even.